I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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