I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize