My friends, they love my intelligence
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Randomize
