girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
