I only kidnapped one of them. chill
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
