I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
