yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
