Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
