he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
