Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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