I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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