we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
