I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
