I got chris browned last night
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
