I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
True strength comes from lack of pants
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
