New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
