this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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