my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
