I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
