sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
