I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
We need a shit load of segways right now
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
