just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Randomize
