After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
