I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
