You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
