I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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