My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
