please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
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