Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
