So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
