I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
