For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
