Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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