you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
