Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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