I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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