That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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