Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
