I wannas sexs uuuuu
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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