her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
