man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
