Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
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