Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
