We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
