when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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