haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
