47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
