hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Can I color on your dick again?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize