I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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