Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
