oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
