I accidentally had phone sex last night
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
