I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
