Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
