i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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