I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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