after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
