like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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