i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
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Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
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I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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