I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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