you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Randomize
