Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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