so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
