i was rollin on her like bob the builder
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
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