Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
