I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I hope mine doesn't look like that
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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