2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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